Parting's Sweet Sorrow

[my fair city//source]

There's a place us St. Louisians like to call "South City", where the grass is green, and homes are made of brick.  Most storefronts there close around five, and two out of several bars are open till three.  There's a park nearby and botanical garden, where in the summer you'll picnic and take your family to hear free jazz.  In South City, children and dated cars line the streets.  It boasts the best Thai Food in St. Louis.  And although I realize this small sect of our "most dangerous" city seems to resemble any other row of corners and blocks in the US, those few people who call it home (now or before) know just the distinct feeling it yields.  It's our South City.

About a week ago I was there, in south St. Louis on our famous Cherokee Street-a neighborhood where you can find Antique Row and a host of Artist establishments, coffee shops, and authentic Hispanic fare.  It was there that some friends caught wind of my leaving St. Louis for another metropolis-NYC.  Once they did, one turned to me and asked, "Are you excited?"

"No," I said, sinking my chin in the palm of my hands.  They laughed.  It was right for such an ironic answer to amuse them.  But if they asked me that same question now, at quarter to 1 am-the morning of the day I am scheduled to leave this town, I'm not so sure they'd chuckle at my response.  Because, honestly, my answer would be different.

Now if someone asks me if I'm excited for uprooting my life and moving to New York City I say, "Yes.  I'm nauseated with excitement."  I'm happy and sad and bubbling with anxiousness.

"Am I making the right decision?" I say.  Then I look at them long enough for what I think will stain some part of my memory.  As if to create a photograph with my eyes-imprinting the shadows of their face, the tightness of their skin (stretched across their bones), and the unruliness of their hair.  What I'll remember is that intimate moment of them looking a hot mess, while asking me if I'm excited. And I will cherish it for years. Just like I cherish my hometown, St. Louis.

See you when I return.